I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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