i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
