I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize