If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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