i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
