my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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