I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
