Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
