He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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