If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
