Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
