you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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