when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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