I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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