I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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