RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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