Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
