what day is it and did you see me today?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
