You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
