Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
