If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i now understand why vodka
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
