Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
