i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
