That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
