I want to have your abortion
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
