walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
