I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
