My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
