i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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