I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
