Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry my hands just texted you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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