I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
