Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
