So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
