Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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