i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
