I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
