I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
