Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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