I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
