I wanna passion pit in your ass
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
