you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
