I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
