Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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