so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize