Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
