I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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