Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
