I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
soo... how was my night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
