you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
