I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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