I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
