Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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