She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
