New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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