so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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