No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize