Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
