the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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