i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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