I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
