he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
