It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize