dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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