She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
