I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
