I want you more than these girls want KFC
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
