we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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