I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
