it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Found the puke drawer
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
