Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
