in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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