Umm I'm too high to move.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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