Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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