Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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