We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
