I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
