in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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