they need to just BURY HIM!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
