There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
