You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
