He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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