It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
