So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
