Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
