she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
