Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
