Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You smell like stripper and shame
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
