i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
