Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
