i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
