It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
