Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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