I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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