he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The adults are the big ones right?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
