Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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