WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
