High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
