if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
