I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
