I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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