So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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