tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
