The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
