I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
