Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
