Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
