let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Someone signed my nipple.
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