I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize