she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
