smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I am one with the molecules
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize