god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
