I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
