i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize
