girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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