Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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