Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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