so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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