Ketchup is God's man juice
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
oh god was she eating orange peels again
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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